You are too old now, you know? And have been dead since long ago! Guess everyone in times does grow Become senile or diseased or go Into the graves and sleep low. You are not one of them, oh no! Like me there are many who owe Our souls of art to your grove Planted with seeds, you did sow!! On this day and many times after now Let me admit in front of your Divine glow Often you cause a deep frown on my brow Shoot me with arrows off your witty bow. Happy Birthday, my dear Poe, The great bard Edgar Allan Poe.
If life is not as simple as The morning skies or the evening rains! If living was not as easy as Walking in the graceful woods! If death was not just a temporary stop Like the halting at a railroad crossing! Then all my thoughts are a wasteful lot! And all my works a futile effort!
That burning of the red hot fire Could it ever equal that of my desire? Those innumerous waves at the ocean front Are they more endless than my trains of thought? The nocturnal noises of the beasts in dark wilderness Are they more defeaning than my silence? The sweetest melodies of the singing larks Are they any match to my bitter inner voice? The perennial streams of the mighty rivers What would they be compared to my tears?
I laugh to myself, at my own stand The foolishness I could not understand! Who cares to listen to these futile words? Who has time to console my feelings? Ha Ha Ha Ha, I laugh aloud again Who can stop me from enjoying my great pains?
(I know not one would sing my songs As they are as insignificant as myself.)
Hello. I just wanted to write down what's running through my mind presently. I have been living life, always trying to figure out some kind of puzzle: the meaning of my life and the reason for my existence. I had believed and still believe that the one single cause, purpose and reason of my life is my mother. Without her, I wouldn't have been born, wouldn't have done any good thing, in essence, I wouldn't have a life without her. I do respect my father and love him with all my heart. I think I grew wise enough to understand my relationships. To me, the one person I would be prepared to die, even if you ask me at the next minute after you read my essay, it would be my mother. She is the single most important person in my life.
But then, beyond the emotional and sentimental values, there must be something reasonable for other parts of my life. I have depended, shamelessly like a parasite on my friendships to live away, especially the past few years. If I had no friends in these times, I do not know what would I have done to myself, given the pessimistic approach I have of the world and life.
Now, before finally getting back to what exactly is happening in my head, I have a few more words to share. I want to define a couple of words that might have same sense when looked at superficially, but have tremendous difference when you look in detail. The words are: "loneliness" and "solitude".
Solitude is something I adore and have always wanted in my life. I always fantacised of getting wrecked on a ship I was sailing and marooned on an island. The only things left to me being a huge set of books. I love solitude, being all alone for myself, contemplating on my real being. It doesn't mean I cannot be in solitude when I am living amongst people, I don't need to be isolated per se. All I need is to be myself and be with myself for some time.
On the other hand: loneliness. This is a feeling when you start missing something in life. You may be amidst with many people, living with them, spending most of the time with them. But when you try and get some sleep at the night and ask yourself, what's missing, you have an answer: "everything that has meaning to me".
So I am currently in a state somewhere between being solitary and lonely.
I am a spiritual person and I believe in god. I have my love for philosophy and the finer things in life like poetry and music. But there is something I am missing. Some feeling deep inside me, screams and shouts aloud, defeaning my ears that this is not what I wanted or dreamed of.
May be I should quit my job and go back to my home and then possibly I will know the meaning of life. I could probably sense at every minute the need of my existence, the importance of my being, the reason of my passing time each minute.
As I read in a cartoon book today: "Every now and then I feel justified for the reason of my existence." And when the frequency of this feeling is too often then I can sense my true worth and value myself, by body, mind and soul.
The evening roses have blossomed again Cool sea breezes remind me of the rain Fluttering their wings, the flamingoes fly high The sun has set letting the stars shine in the sky. The love songs played from the radio station Fill my heart with the same old sensation How I used to believe my love was so true!! I won't mind telling I'm still enamored with you. What happened to us that we stopped so suddenly? Was it some conspiracy of the jealous heavenly? Set against the time and this world is our story- I wait for our Dreamland to regain its glory. The dreams that we shared and the love that we won: I was being blamed for what I have not done! But the triumphing truth will never die, Searching you everywhere my eyes now cry! Please forget what happened- wrong or right, I want you to be my Valentine tonight.
When Inspired, I am an Artist!
Otherwise, I am a Nothing!!
There are days when I feel fulfilled for the little things I accomplish. And there are days when I question the need for my existence. In between these two, my life is vacillating. I wait for that moment perhaps, when I KNOW for real, the true meaning of life and the essence there-in.